What A Day

My Sad Keanu interpretation

My Father’s Day gift this year was being slapped in the face that I have not been a good father (or just not good enough).

Ouch. Reflection follows.

When I started the journey into fatherhood more than 13 years ago, I promised myself that I would be the best father that I could be. I had ideologies, I had dreams, I had plans, I had quite a lot in mind, to be honest. That was thirteen years in the making. And then a brick wall hit me. When you hit a wall, you become dazed and confused. You stop for a while and get your head back on straight. Or at least you try to. Looking back at those thirteen years I have to admit that it hadn’t really been smooth as the journey in my dreams. There were things that I know I should have done differently. There are things that I should have said differently. There are decisions that I should have made differently. Not going into the mumbo-jumbo of time-travel and alternate universes, it could have made a difference in how I am now. I can’t say how much of a difference, but it would have made one.

Breaking things down, one of the things that I regret the most is showing Matthew how I lose my temper. I am very bad at this. Unfortunately, this is one thing that I can no longer undo. This is also one thing that he seems to have gotten from me and it is utterly frustrating being stuck between calming down and flaming up when both of us are doing the same thing. It’s like a Dragon Ball Z fight.

The next thing is actually one that may have been a by-product of my temper outburst. I thought that I would not come to the point that I would need to shout at Matthew. But it did. It was becoming harder and harder to get him to stop and listen. It had gotten to the point that I would be shouting because of frustration and even though I know that I shouldn’t, I could not get myself to stop.

I also told myself that I would do my best not to curse in front of Matthew because I get really disappointed when I hear young kids shouting expletives that they may not even understand. There are places and people that they hear these, and parents should not be one of them. Again, this is where I have failed when I have been taken over by my temper.

Spare the rod and spoil the child is a term that has been thrown around from generations ago. I did not want to ever reach this point in my fatherhood. But I crossed that line. At the boiling point, I have gotten to slap Matthew on his bums. Not a lot of times, but I didn’t think I would need to do it. Another case of an unfortunate event.

Whenever I realised that I had done any of the things that I wish I didn’t do, I would try and go into a calmer state (believe me, this is easier said than done) and try to douse the fires that have been set. I would do my best to explain what had happened and why I had done some of the things that I had done. I would break down what he had done that had gotten me to act the way that I did. I would explain why I shouldn’t have done what I had done and especially why he shouldn’t do what I did.

And I apologize.

It wasn’t like this when we were younger. In fact, it wasn’t like this until he had gone to school. It started probably somewhere between primary four and primary five. It had become a journey that went in and out of bad experiences which had affected us in a way we didn’t expect. There are things that Matthew does that has already become an instant trigger to my frustrations. And no matter how many times I have talked to him about it, he would still go on and do them, seemingly without a care in the world. I try to avoid it as best as I can because I am really tired of telling him off again and again. It’s fair enough when he does these things to me, but they become hairline triggers when he does it to his mum when I am around. And I just explode.

So I guess I have not been the good father that I thought I would be. It’s harder than I thought. This is definitely not turning out to be the happy, ever-laughing, and ideal parenting blog that I initially thought it would be. And that’s fine with me now. I realised that life isn’t all about the fun and the laughter. It comes drizzled with sadness and frustration as well that should not be ignored. This is a realisation. A reflection. No, I have not been the ideal father. And you can’t create a new account and start all over. You can only learn from your mistakes and pick up the pieces and hope that you can turn things around while there is still time.

Matthew is a good person. I don’t doubt that one bit. He just needs to realise that he has the potential to change the world. I guess that means me too. This is not a reboot, but a sequel. Welcome to fatherhood season 13.

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Technology Rules

There is no denying that this generation is living on tech. As parents with teenagers, we are responsible for keeping the balance of usage and abuse of these devices. Our children are exposed to a world that is cunning and ruthless. If we do not teach our children how to take care of themselves using devices such as mobile smartphones and computers, we are exposing them to different types of dangers. I now have a teenager. I can no longer play watchdog and neither would I want to be just one. Instead, I would like to teach my teenager how to take care of himself when out and about. Believe me, this is easier said than done when it comes to Matthew. But we have to start somewhere and we have to start as early as possible.

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Thankfully, working in IT has not deprived me of the information needed to keep my knowledge up to date. It is not simply knowing which computer or which smartphone to buy. It is not simply about which operating system or which antivirus software to choose. As parents, we need to let our children know about the things that could happen out there if they aren’t careful. Sure, Matthew is not trading real money online on apps nor is he doing any online betting or gambling but that doesn’t mean he isn’t exposed to them.

Don’t be surprised if your young adults know more about things like these than you do. In fact, you should expect that at some point. Right now, I am still in a position to keep an eye out for my family. I do my best to secure our home computers with basic cyber-security. I do not hold any super secret data from government organizations so I don’t think I would be on the radar of cyber-attacks. But you can never go wrong with being prepared. In fact, being paranoid may be a better term but I will leave that for another discussion.

That is security at home. But what about when they are not at home. Matthew spends an average of 6 hours in school. Those are 6 hours that he is vulnerable to cyber-attacks while he is on his own. He is currently aware that his smartphone is being monitored by a parenting app. I made it a point to let him know this because trust and privacy go both ways. I always talk to him about being safe online. During my youth, my mum would tell me never to talk to strangers or go with strangers or take anything from strangers. It is as true today as it did back then. Except now, there is an added advice of being wary of online strangers. This is a sad but real truth. Matthew plays games on his phone, on the computer and on a game console. All of these are connected to the Internet because manufacturers and game developers require most of their products to be connected in order to work. I have always seen this as a threat and as an invasion of privacy but you can’t really contain this for long unless you become a hermit. So education and stern warnings are normal between myself and Matthew. I am allowing him to play online games like Roblox. And yes, I am aware of these stern warnings from a parent that played the game and having encountered a less than ideal experience. I won’t deny that it is possible. But I have been playing games online and have never encountered any such activity. And as far as I am aware, neither has Matthew. Again, I’m not saying that it didn’t happen. I’m just saying, it hasn’t happened to us. As a parent, you are allowed to protect your child. Rather, it is your responsibility to protect your child from abuse. But do it in a way that works for both you and your child. Don’t take away something just because of a viral post that you read on social media. Do your own research and then make your own decision.

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The parenting app that I use is only secondary. It is still the rules that we have set and agreed on as a family that takes precedence over things. We talk about the consequences of action and inaction on Matthew’s part and agree on the appropriate responses. In fact, he would sometimes offer that he gets grounded when he knows that he has done something that we would not be happy with. One of the rules that we have is that there should be no mobile phones/tablets in the bedroom. If you want to use your mobile, you are free to do so in the living room. This rule also applies when we are seated at the dining table and that is regardless if it is in the house or if we are eating out. No electronic devices at the table, period. Of course, it is not as smooth as everyone would like it to be. He would have excuses every now and then, but that is usually followed up with talk about the consequences. It goes full circle. Hopefully, he gets to keep it stuck in his head more. I have also warned him of using his mobile phone while walking which is something I frown on especially when grown-ups are up and about doing it. Look where you are going first. It’s very likely that whatever it is these people are staring at on their devices can actually wait until they are stationary.

It has never been foolproof. And there will always be loopholes here and there. But with ground rules, it at least becomes easier to manage. Prevention is always better than cure. And yes, maybe a little paranoia helps once in a while.

When Pets Leave Us

We are no stranger to pets passing away. And it’s not because they are neglected, but more because of our choice of pet. Living in Singapore is proving to be difficult for us to live with a dog. It comes with additional responsibilities that we didn’t have to worry about back in the Philippines. We don’t have a backyard to keep a dog in and living in shared apartment buildings means you are limited in the size and number of dogs you can own. Add the fact that we can’t leave a dog behind for extended periods of time when we decide to go on vacation and you have yourself a member of the family being housed in their own “pet hotel”. So we stuck with a hamster.

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Hamsters are small and easily managed. They don’t take up a lot of space and when we go on a vacation, we can just carry them over to our friend’s house for sitting. Sure, you have overheads like food, bedding, treats, and the occasional trip to the vet, but that is no different than having a dog. In the years that we have been here, we have had six hamsters in the family. All of them have become small and fluffy companions to all of us in the home. Alas, our last hamster passed away in May. During the last few days of his life, we were already expecting him to leave us due to his age. As such, Matthew had prepared a casket for him and we were sure that we wouldn’t be caught by surprise like the others. And when he passed, we buried him properly and sent him off with a prayer.

What I didn’t know, or maybe I didn’t want to believe during those times was how the death of a pet affected children. My wife and I are already grown up, we feel sad when a pet passes. But we cope and we move on. I thought that was just, you know, normal. As my wife pointed out to me though, it had a profound effect on Matthew.

I have to admit, I had not been very good at helping my son deal with the loss of our pets. Because of the reason I mentioned above, I was coping. And I thought that he would cope with it as well. Apparently, at age 7, he does not cope so well. He went through some difficult times more than once and I thought I was there for him. But it was not enough and it was already too far back to rectify. So when our last hamster passed away, I made sure that I was more sensitive to his needs. It may not be enough to heal him from his past experiences, but I’m hoping that he does manage to cope better as long as I become more aware of their needs.

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My Last Day

I was looking through tons of archives on my computer and I found a blog entry that I did not get to publish. And it struck a chord in me once again. Here is a blog entry from 2017.


It was not one of those nights. Somehow, something was amiss. And it wasn’t something as simple as forgetting to brush your teeth or drinking a glass of milk. It was the fear of dying.

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Even before Steve Jobs delivered his Harvard speech, I have already asked myself the question he asked himself. “If today was my last day, would I do what I would be doing now?”. It wasn’t his metaphor, it was a reality. The fact that one realizes that is the catalyst for change. But sometimes, some people just don’t care.

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That night, I prayed that I am given one more day to give to Matthew, to Judy and anybody else who might need me. And this morning, I gave Him thanks for giving me this one more day. Tonight, and every night hereafter, this would be my prayer. Until such time that nobody needs me anymore.

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For some reason though, Matthew was holding my hand as he fell asleep. He had his hand wrapped around mine. He’s never done that in a long while. I used to hold his hand when he was younger and he couldn’t fall asleep. But this time he held mine. He is special (we have always believed that he is), I may never know to what extent, but he is special. And I will be forever grateful for being blessed with very special people (there are too many to mention, but I promise, I will make a list).

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Until my last day then. Express your love to the people you care about. Make amends to the people you’ve hurt and those who have hurt you. Seize the day, make it yours, make it worth the time.

Down the Rabbit Hole

The Singapore ArtScience Museum has recently launched a new exhibition involving a rabbit, a mad hatter, and a girl named Alice. Wonderland is an interactive exhibition running from 13 April through to 22 September 2019. And it has been a while since an interactive exhibition has gotten us interested and excited. Thankfully, Wonderland does not disappoint. Well, maybe it’s a bit too short, but that’s it.

Our journey began with a very long queue. Ys, this is what happens when you go to an anticipated exhibition near the dates that it has just started. On the other hand, you would probably see most of the exhibition in prime condition before wear and tear has a chance to wear it all down. But, I digress. We were given the Lost Map of Wonderland while we were on the queue and these maps were registered on the system before you follow Alice. Each map follows a character from Wonderland, the Queen, the Mad Hatter, the White Rabbit, and the Cheshire Cat and they each have their own unique artwork to find.

Right off the bat, you are given a choice to use the normal door, or a shrunken door just like in the book/film. Of course, we took the small door. It’s perfect for small kids but a bit of a squeeze for bigger kids (like, adults). And from there, your adventure begins as you follow Alice through her adventures in Wonderland. Actually, you would be following several adventures seeing as there have been over 40 films, over 30 television programs, pop-culture references in books, music, video games, and even fashion. So, if you venture forth, follow your map and learn more about the world of Alice and the various interpretations of her adventures.

The Hallway of Doors is where we began our journey. Quite a few doors were around and each one holding bits and pieces of the tale of Alice. Behind the doors are concept art, manuscripts, drawings, and more inspiring works that have led to the pop-culture icon which is Alice. There is one particularly interesting corner here which is the glass table with the key that Alice works so hard to reach since she had been shrunken down after drinking the potion in the bottle that was labeled, “Drink Me”. Soon after though, we find ourselves in The Pool of Tears. Of course, in the book, this pool was actually created by Alice when she cried so much during the time that she had grown nine feet tall. This room houses early image projectors that were called magic lanterns. Think of it as early animation techniques. And through those technologies, Alice made her appearances in film with better special effects as the years moved forward. The Looking Glass House takes us deeper into the special effects that were used on the olden day films of Alice and eventually, the sequel to Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass. As the name implies, most of the effects are done with trickery using mirrors. A very old, but very ingenious way of basically superimposing images on top of each other to create an effect.

Over at The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill, Alice’s adventure takes a detour from the normal stories that we may have heard. This is in part due to the interpretation of the story by a Czech filmmaker named Jan Svankmajer. In these bits of Wonderland, the world becomes surreal and everything becomes eerily interesting that you would do a double-take on the things that you see. You would then seek Advice from A Caterpillar. The Caterpillar is one more character that makes up the Wonderland crew and is represented in all sorts of ways by different characters and interpretations. But it is the question that is significant here, “Who are you?” asked the caterpillar to Alice. The Queen’s Croquet Ground is a small activity area where you turn yourself into one of the Queen’s guards. Yes, you will become a playing card. After croquet, it’s time to sit down to have tea with the Mad Hatter. You are invited to attend A Mad Tea Party which is an animated 3D tea party made especially for visitors of Wonderland. An amazing concept, but nothing really new if you have been coming to Singapore’s Art Festivals for the past few years. Who Stole The Tarts? This place showcases the Queen in all her mean and nasty glory. It is one of the smaller, but nicer places to visit before heading over to see Alice’s Evidence. This last room is where you realize how much Alice and her Adventures in Wonderland has influenced our culture. It has been one of the many stories that many know and remember, but some have only just vaguely heard of. But the influence of the many films show just how much Alice has been a part of our lives.

Looking Forward

We welcome the new year with open arms today. As we poured our sparkling grape juice between the three of us, we talked about the year that was. And as we were talking, it occurred to me that this may have been the first time that we really talked about it.

Our New Year welcome dinner
Our New Year welcome dinner

2018 had been good to us. It had its ups and downs for sure, but it treated us more kindly throughout.

Matthew had been able to go to his chosen secondary school after the grueling assessment exam courtesy of the PSLE. And during his time in this new school, we realized that this was the school that we were looking for. Over the course of the year, we attended school events and gatherings. We made sure that we were able to attend parent-teacher sessions and we got to know the teachers well. We attended parent-child bonding activities to help us understand each other better. Through those interactions, the teachers were able to talk about their concerns and we were also able to voice out our own. As time passed, we felt that the way the school managed the way they teach is the right way for Matthew. Although all schools need to comply with the strict academic benchmarks by the Ministry of Education, they are given enough freedom to use different teaching methods. We are thankful that this school gives importance to a child’s potential rather than expecting them to perform at an unbelievable performance standard right off the bat.

Mister Matthew
Mister Matthew

We had good times just roaming around Singapore all throughout the year. We went to the Tampines Eco Green and tried grounding. We also frequently cycled to Pasir Ris Park. This served as our exercise and our bonding time as well. There was no fixed schedule and we went as often as we could. It could be to catch the sunset or to catch the sunrise. Sometimes, it is just to catch good food at the nearby hawker center. We went to a fair and rode the crazy swinging ship. We ate hipster food and drank hipster drinks. We visited the Turtle and Tortoise Museum for the last time before they closed the gates at the Chinese Garden. It was sad that they had to leave that place and we do hope they manage to find a new home soon. We rented a car from time to time just for the heck of it. And we finally got around to go to the places that we had only previously talked about.

Catching the sunrise at Pasir Ris Park
Catching the sunrise at Pasir Ris Park

We managed to go on a trip to Tokyo. And during our stay, we managed to go to places that we didn’t even think we could reach. Often times we got lost or got to a place that was not on our plan at all. We even got to take home souvenirs from nearly all the towns that we visited. A short visit to an aunt and our cousins made the trip a little easier during the first few days. And then a visit to a friend in Osaka also made it into our itinerary. But the best places that we managed to go to this time around were in Tokyo. Akihabara, Tokorozawa, Diver City and Yokohama to name a few. Okunoshima and Kyoto were also memorable places for us. Japan is definitely one of the highlights of 2018.

Welcome to Akihabara
Welcome to Akihabara

I also started teaching Matthew about photography. It’s time he advanced from just pointing the camera and shooting. It’s time for him to understand the concepts behind photography and make a hobby out of it. I can’t stand to just see him sitting on one corner and reading a book over and over. He really needs a more active hobby. And so do I. We do attend anime and gaming conventions now, but I don’t think that counts as an active hobby.

At Paradores Del Castillo
At Paradores Del Castillo

We visited our families in the Philippines at the end of the year. We tried to spend as much time as we could with them. We took them out to eat and to travel around the nearby provinces. We enjoyed our stay there and we had fun. While we also had a lot to eat, Matthew seemed to be the only one to not gain weight.

We had our downs too. But we’d rather not recall those. I think we already learned our lessons from those times. And its better to let those experiences go.

Yes. 2018 had been a good year. And here’s hoping that 2019 brings us more blessings and happiness that we can share.

Father’s Day

First, let’s get it out: “Happy Father’s Day!” to all fathers out there!

I’m sure there are a lot of adjectives to describe our dads. And since we all know those by heart, I don’t really need to lay it all out for everybody else. No matter what we think about our own dad, the fact cannot be changed and regardless of the circumstances, to me at least, a dad is a dad.

Officially, my fatherhood title began sometime in June of 2005. That was when my wife told me that she was pregnant. For those who don’t know, my son was given the month of February 2006 to come out. But for some reason, he couldn’t be bothered with dates and he decided to come out in November 2005. He spent about a month in the ICU when he was born a preemie and he will be going into his teen years soon. Every now and then I get that knock on the head about how time has gone by and I have to entertain a thought…

“What the heck have I gotten myself into?”

Of course being a dad is great and all. In fact, I had been looking forward to it even before I got married. Now that I am one, everything has become one big adventure after another. And it hasn’t always been smooth sailing. It’s like living a reality TV show. Sometimes there’s comedy, other times there’s drama, there’s even suspense and mystery lurking about in a season or two. Make no mistake, I am having the time of my life. But all that depends on your perspective. In recent years, it has become increasingly challenging tackling school work with my son. Everything else is good. The only rough patches are when it comes to almost anything that has to do with school.

Putting that into perspective, I sat down and tried to look back at everything that I was aware of that had happened. I could probably paint a picture, but I can’t help but wonder if there are bits and pieces that I don’t have because I was not able to see them. So the picture isn’t complete. But it is clear that there is something that I need to work on in order to see better days. The next chapters may see a change in the tone of how our stories are written, but I will do my best to keep it light. After all, happiness is a choice. And I will choose happiness for my family every chance that we get. And that is how perspective works.

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My dad is a great dad. I learned practically all my life skills from him. We don’t always see eye to eye and we used to argue about things that didn’t really matter (after thinking about it for a long time). I love my dad. I wouldn’t be half the man I am today if not for him. But his generation is different from mine and is going to be different from Matthew’s generation. While there are the basics of fatherhood, it is clear that time is moving faster than ever and fathers need to evolve. I swore to myself that I would be as great a dad as my dad. But deep inside I also have a desire to be even better. I don’t want to have any regrets of looking back at the things I was not able to do with my son while there is time. I generally still have the same outlook as I had when I began this journey. That there will be changes, that there will be emotional outbursts, that there will be misunderstandings, but there will always be love. So we continue moving forward. One step at a time.

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Image copyright: Pixar.

Make the Future with Shell

Team Philippines
Team Philippines

Fossil fuels are finite. In fact, we are running out. We have been racing to find alternative sources of energy for the better part of the last two decades, and this is where we are now.

 

Advances in technology and the human drive towards evolution has paved the way for more efficient machines, better production of power and the ability to harness energy from the sun, natural gases and food waste. When I was in secondary school, the future that I was looking at was a DeLorean time machine that flies powered by organic waste. Well, we haven’t gone that far yet, but we have gone far enough to see that it’s close. And that kind of technology is showcased at Shell’s Make the Future event.

 

Changi Exhibition Center was the venue for 2018 and we have been here before. While the venue is good for this kind of exhibition, the place has one major drawback. It is hot and it is in the middle of nowhere. Okay, that makes it two drawbacks.

Building a salt water powered car
Building a salt water powered car

The venue was divided into three zones. The Main Stage where the music is coming from along with science shows and event announcements about the Eco-Marathon and basically everything else. We didn’t really spend much time here except when we needed to refuel for lunch. Although you are allowed to bring your own food and drinks, we were not really going to lug a picnic basket and then some for lunch. We just made sure we had enough cash to gas up at the venue. The food isn’t really what the event is about so it is nothing to be worked up over. You can even buy most of the food from Shell’s Deli at their service stations.

Learning about Hydrogen power through VR
Learning about Hydrogen power through VR

The Energy Future zone was where we spent most of our time though. This is where people are asked to explore how energy is generated and the alternate sources of energy that can be used. The Bright Ideas challenge showcases the ideas from secondary school students for a cleaner energy future. Imagine harnessing electricity to power your classroom just by sitting down, yep, that was a bright idea (and in theory it works). And imagine harnessing electricity from vibrations, yep, that was also a bright idea. I guess with the proper guidance and technical know-how, young minds can really think up what works in the future. Also in the zone are some of Shell’s energy partners showing off their stuff. The Linde Group in particular showed us the future of Hydrogen power. Matthew had his first VR experience here and from the spectator’s point of view, it looked like he had fun. And yes, while the previous concerns with Hydrogen was its, ehem, explosive nature, it seems that we have once again jumped that hurdle and the future is looking good. The final piece in this zone for us was our salt water powered car. Yep. We were able to build a small toy car that can run on salt water. I can only guess that the two metal plates are responsible for creating electricity to power the small motor on the car. What they are and how they do it is still not being disclosed. But once again, it works. And that is what made the trip worth it.

Eco-marathoner
Eco-marathoner

The final zone was the Eco-Marathon. Students from across the Asia Pacific brought in their eco-marathon cars to see which is the most energy-efficient. A mix of solar powered, full electric, hybrid and internal combustion engine powered vehicles were in the field. This is not a race to see who the fastest is, this is a race to see who has the most efficient car setup. And it is not just about the type of power plant, but the whole design of the vehicles. You will see different ideas on different cars all designed to make the most out of their power. Aerodynamics plays a big part, and then there’s weight, there’s the strength of materials, the power delivery method, the motor, the wheels. Everything comes together behind those fiber-glass shells and I can only imagine how dedicated the drivers are to be racing under the sweltering heat of Singapore.

 

All the best to the competitors. Because for us, the real winners are the newest generation of folks who will benefit from the ideas of today. Because really, the future is being made for them.

Good Dad, Bad Dad.

Most of the time, we see the fault in the people around us but not our own. You can say that this is even more true when dealing with children. It may be because we are under the impression that because we are adults, we are always on the right. That can never be more wrong. We, as adults need to guide our children to be the best that they can be. But when we put ourselves in the position of being always right just because we are the parents, then we put up a wall. I only realised this when I was reflecting on a few things that have been happening in the past few weeks.

As parents, we expect our children to act like children in ideal worlds. We expect them to be cute, funny, obedient and disciplined among others. And in an ideal world, that may just be appropriate and expected. Unfortunately, the world we live in is not ideal (yet). There are so many real world problems that we have to manage and it can sometimes become a burden. And if we aren’t careful, we sometimes inadvertently pass some of these on to our kids. Whether we are aware of it or not is a question best left to ask ourselves when we are meditating.

Everyone is different. I can’t remember how many times I have been told of this. We need to remember that this is also true for kids (actually, especially for kids). We have to stop giving ourselves and our kids that image of what we are expecting our families to be. We should instead look at the future as a canvas that is blank. And our contribution to that canvas will be the colors of our lives. Be it light or dark or bright or gloomy. It is a canvas that can be painted as time goes by. It is not one of those “paint by numbers” kind of canvas but one that is free form. In our chase for the ideal world, we get lost in our own dreams and our own wishes. At one point we may even have gotten obsessed. But at what cost?

On my personal reflection, it has been a mixture of uncertainty. On one hand, I have always believed that I am raising Matthew into a strong-willed, brave and kind-hearted boy. An ideal boy who will not look out of place on a billboard showing off the best kid in the world. However, on that journey, I may have used fear instead respect, I may have used anger instead of care. I may have been seeing what I wanted to see but I may not have heard what my son was saying to me. It is this kind of paradoxical thinking that has led me to this uncertain train of thought. It is not a cry of madness. It is a deeper understanding of the world that is revolving around me. And I think that it has done me good. Hopefully, I now see and hear what the future of the canvas will bring.

Dad-borg
Dad-borg

Of course, the only way to find out is to go right out and ask Matthew how I am doing. And now should be as a time as any.